we have our first set of (potential) insemination dates. yay!!
whisper in my ear
i wish i were your derivative
so i could lie tangent to your curves
17 August 2009 @ 05:16 pm
14 July 2009 @ 08:45 pm
so i'm in Scotland for 3 weeks of a clinical rotation elective (in veterinary epidemiology) and then 1 week vacation. it's weird but somewhat nice to be on my own for a little bit. i miss Molly like crazy, but i've never done the whole travel-alone thing before.
i stayed in a hostel for the first two nights (the plan was to stay there the entire 3 weeks, then Molly is coming over for our vacation week and we are traveling around to various B&Bs). apparently the hostel is on the nicer side of hostels, but i've never stayed in one before so i can't make that judgement personally. it was a little rough the first night when i checked in and they didn't have me down for the entire 3 weeks...and there was a day in there where they were totally booked (without space for me!), even though i confirmed with them in the middle of may about there being room for me the whole time. the management has changed hands since then, and apparently i wasn't written in the book for the entire 3 weeks, just the first one. also, the internet was on the fritz, and all i wanted to do was get on Skype with Molly and tell her i made it in safely and hear her voice. the next night (last night) was better, and the manager told me i could stay in the staff room for that totally booked night, so it was all going to work out.
however, now i'm in a spare room in a house where one of my coworkers (Roger) lives, who i also happen to share an office with. it's 24 GBP cheaper per week than the hostel, i get my own room with a comfy bed, plenty of privacy and no need to lock my stuff up during the day, a large bathroom and a small kitchen to share with my coworker and whoever happens to be in the 3rd room. the landlady Heather is straight out of Ms. Doubtfire. she calls me "Treasure" as in "oh, don't worry about that, Treasure" and "here, Treasure, have a cup of tea." her voice and intonations are so similar to Ms. Doubtfire, its uncanny. she kind of looks like her too, with a few less teeth.
speaking of tea, i've had more hot tea in the past 2 days than i think i've ever had in my life! my first day at work (yesterday), i had afternoon tea (around 3pm) with Roger...then, as soon as we finished our tea, in the Tea Room (as labeled on the door), everyone else went to have tea. Roger said we should go "to be social," so we did. i found out today there is before-lunch tea as well (around 11am). and it's not like you go to and get yourself a cup of tea and go back to your desk, oh no, it's everyone goes to get tea together and then sits around a large conference desk and talks and drinks for a half an hour (twice a day!). how awesome?! also, they just assume you take milk in your tea, which is good because i do, but whenever i put milk in my tea at home, people would also look at me like i had 3 heads.
the only bad thing about the new house i'm staying at is that she doesn't have the internet (the hostel had free wifi...which was kind of spotty, but mostly worked). so tonight i found a bar that has free wifi, and i'm wondering how many days they'll tolerate me coming in and buying a tea for 1.35 GBP and staying for hours on the internet to download the latest Big Brother 11 show and chat with Molly. maybe i'll use the money i saved by moving on 2 cups of tea per night in the hopes they don't kick me out.
i'll post photos once i have a couple more interesting ones.
i stayed in a hostel for the first two nights (the plan was to stay there the entire 3 weeks, then Molly is coming over for our vacation week and we are traveling around to various B&Bs). apparently the hostel is on the nicer side of hostels, but i've never stayed in one before so i can't make that judgement personally. it was a little rough the first night when i checked in and they didn't have me down for the entire 3 weeks...and there was a day in there where they were totally booked (without space for me!), even though i confirmed with them in the middle of may about there being room for me the whole time. the management has changed hands since then, and apparently i wasn't written in the book for the entire 3 weeks, just the first one. also, the internet was on the fritz, and all i wanted to do was get on Skype with Molly and tell her i made it in safely and hear her voice. the next night (last night) was better, and the manager told me i could stay in the staff room for that totally booked night, so it was all going to work out.
however, now i'm in a spare room in a house where one of my coworkers (Roger) lives, who i also happen to share an office with. it's 24 GBP cheaper per week than the hostel, i get my own room with a comfy bed, plenty of privacy and no need to lock my stuff up during the day, a large bathroom and a small kitchen to share with my coworker and whoever happens to be in the 3rd room. the landlady Heather is straight out of Ms. Doubtfire. she calls me "Treasure" as in "oh, don't worry about that, Treasure" and "here, Treasure, have a cup of tea." her voice and intonations are so similar to Ms. Doubtfire, its uncanny. she kind of looks like her too, with a few less teeth.
speaking of tea, i've had more hot tea in the past 2 days than i think i've ever had in my life! my first day at work (yesterday), i had afternoon tea (around 3pm) with Roger...then, as soon as we finished our tea, in the Tea Room (as labeled on the door), everyone else went to have tea. Roger said we should go "to be social," so we did. i found out today there is before-lunch tea as well (around 11am). and it's not like you go to and get yourself a cup of tea and go back to your desk, oh no, it's everyone goes to get tea together and then sits around a large conference desk and talks and drinks for a half an hour (twice a day!). how awesome?! also, they just assume you take milk in your tea, which is good because i do, but whenever i put milk in my tea at home, people would also look at me like i had 3 heads.
the only bad thing about the new house i'm staying at is that she doesn't have the internet (the hostel had free wifi...which was kind of spotty, but mostly worked). so tonight i found a bar that has free wifi, and i'm wondering how many days they'll tolerate me coming in and buying a tea for 1.35 GBP and staying for hours on the internet to download the latest Big Brother 11 show and chat with Molly. maybe i'll use the money i saved by moving on 2 cups of tea per night in the hopes they don't kick me out.
i'll post photos once i have a couple more interesting ones.
31 March 2009 @ 11:44 pm
To all who helped contribute questions and those who have waited 2+ years for me to get my act together to finish it...
The FAQ section of my website (http://www.ftmtransition.com) is finally finished and published! I hope it meets your expectations. And if it doesn't, let me know and I will add to it! The hardest and most time consuming part was getting this first version up - updating it shouldn't take another 2 years. :)
To find the section, go to the homepage, then follow Transition --> Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ).
PS. The Search function may not pull up these new FAQ pages immediately - it takes Google a few days to index them.
The FAQ section of my website (http://www.ftmtransition.com) is finally finished and published! I hope it meets your expectations. And if it doesn't, let me know and I will add to it! The hardest and most time consuming part was getting this first version up - updating it shouldn't take another 2 years. :)
To find the section, go to the homepage, then follow Transition --> Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ).
PS. The Search function may not pull up these new FAQ pages immediately - it takes Google a few days to index them.
13 February 2009 @ 08:31 pm
Apparently, there is a free app for the iPhone that let's you post to LJ. Let's see if this works...
09 February 2009 @ 10:49 pm
i am so over this whole surgery thing.
you know, at first it was kind of exciting - not the having surgery part, but the part where i got to get rid of something i knew didn't belong or got to have something made where it should have always been. but the hematomas, urine dribbing, pain, constipation and vomiting from anesthesia and pain meds, the list goes on...i'm all set with those.
i am so over this whole surgery thing.
this isn't a post about how annoying or sad or unfortunate it is that i wasn't born in the body i see fit for me. because i don't feel that way. i'm proud of who i am, where i've come from, and in some weird way the things i've accomplished. no, rather the the way in which i have accomplished them is what i am proud of, not the actual milestones themselves. it's hard to be "proud" of something that i am so fortunate, so privileged (both financially and emotionally) to have had the opportunity to pursue while some others cannot. but i'm proud of balancing both undergrad and graduate school during this process. i'm proud of advocating for my needs and navigating the health care system enough to get insurance pay to over three times the amount for my transition as i have out of pocket. i'm proud for paving the way for other people to come in the future. i'm proud for teaching up-tight doctors about trans issues and the ways in which they can more adequately care for trans people. i'm proud of being legal and honest.
but that's not why i sat down to write this post. i was going to give a brief update on my most recent surgery. suffice it to say it hasn't been pleasant. one more to go (this one was a 2-stage process) then that should be it. for good. no more revisions, barring anything catastrophic going wrong.
i remember something my mom said before i began to physically transition at all. her worry was that i "would never be happy" with myself. that there would always be something that wasn't "perfect." and because i've had so many "revisions," i began to worry that was the case. but it just isn't, and i don't think i'm simply convincing myself of that. i feel like with all of my surgeries, i've had very modest expectations - somewhere in the realm of the "average" result i saw from other people who had had similar procedures. and with all of my surgeries, i've had some kind of complication that necessitated a revision to even reach the realm of expected outcomes (except my hysterectomy, though i did have a complication, it just didn't need another surgery to fix). i know my right-sided chest lump is up for debate as "needing" a revision, as most people said they didn't notice it, but i think it's fair to say that the massive hematoma left me with abnormal scar tissue and i gave it a fair enough amount of time to settle on its own before doing anything about it. however, i did have a really hard time deciding if i should even try to "fix" it, and both revisions now were out of convenience.
are my expectations out of line?
will i never be happy with the physical transformation of my body?
i truly believe the answer in both cases is no. i feel like i've done the minimum to achieve that "average" result, what i think is a fair expectation. and it's only added up because my body fails to heal properly. maybe from that "unspecified autoimmune disease" secondary to Lyme? or maybe this is just me justifying my choices to myself.
and *poof* there goes the time i was going to use to study. oops.
you know, at first it was kind of exciting - not the having surgery part, but the part where i got to get rid of something i knew didn't belong or got to have something made where it should have always been. but the hematomas, urine dribbing, pain, constipation and vomiting from anesthesia and pain meds, the list goes on...i'm all set with those.
i am so over this whole surgery thing.
this isn't a post about how annoying or sad or unfortunate it is that i wasn't born in the body i see fit for me. because i don't feel that way. i'm proud of who i am, where i've come from, and in some weird way the things i've accomplished. no, rather the the way in which i have accomplished them is what i am proud of, not the actual milestones themselves. it's hard to be "proud" of something that i am so fortunate, so privileged (both financially and emotionally) to have had the opportunity to pursue while some others cannot. but i'm proud of balancing both undergrad and graduate school during this process. i'm proud of advocating for my needs and navigating the health care system enough to get insurance pay to over three times the amount for my transition as i have out of pocket. i'm proud for paving the way for other people to come in the future. i'm proud for teaching up-tight doctors about trans issues and the ways in which they can more adequately care for trans people. i'm proud of being legal and honest.
but that's not why i sat down to write this post. i was going to give a brief update on my most recent surgery. suffice it to say it hasn't been pleasant. one more to go (this one was a 2-stage process) then that should be it. for good. no more revisions, barring anything catastrophic going wrong.
i remember something my mom said before i began to physically transition at all. her worry was that i "would never be happy" with myself. that there would always be something that wasn't "perfect." and because i've had so many "revisions," i began to worry that was the case. but it just isn't, and i don't think i'm simply convincing myself of that. i feel like with all of my surgeries, i've had very modest expectations - somewhere in the realm of the "average" result i saw from other people who had had similar procedures. and with all of my surgeries, i've had some kind of complication that necessitated a revision to even reach the realm of expected outcomes (except my hysterectomy, though i did have a complication, it just didn't need another surgery to fix). i know my right-sided chest lump is up for debate as "needing" a revision, as most people said they didn't notice it, but i think it's fair to say that the massive hematoma left me with abnormal scar tissue and i gave it a fair enough amount of time to settle on its own before doing anything about it. however, i did have a really hard time deciding if i should even try to "fix" it, and both revisions now were out of convenience.
are my expectations out of line?
will i never be happy with the physical transformation of my body?
i truly believe the answer in both cases is no. i feel like i've done the minimum to achieve that "average" result, what i think is a fair expectation. and it's only added up because my body fails to heal properly. maybe from that "unspecified autoimmune disease" secondary to Lyme? or maybe this is just me justifying my choices to myself.
and *poof* there goes the time i was going to use to study. oops.
16 January 2009 @ 04:16 pm
10 January 2009 @ 05:02 pm
I need your help!
A couple of years ago, I posted a request for FTM-realted questions for a new FAQ section of my website. I got a couple of really good questions on that post, and those were added to the ever-expanding list. Well, the section is finally almost ready to be published (I know, years late, but oh well) - and so I'm looking for any more trans- or FTM-related questions you've always wanted to ask to add to it before publishing!
All kinds of questions are welcome, including (but not limited to) topics of the transition process, sex, family and relationships, identity, community, etc. and can be as general or specific as you want. Ask the questions you've always wondered about, but were too shy/embarrassed/afraid to ask! I will screen all comments so that no one will see other's questions. Also, feel free to log out of your account, then reply anonymously so even I won't know the source of the question.
( Example Questions )
I will add your questions to the list, then publish the responses on the new FAQ section of my website. All contributions are respectfully appreciated - this section wouldn't exist without you!
Thanks for your help,
Ethan
A couple of years ago, I posted a request for FTM-realted questions for a new FAQ section of my website. I got a couple of really good questions on that post, and those were added to the ever-expanding list. Well, the section is finally almost ready to be published (I know, years late, but oh well) - and so I'm looking for any more trans- or FTM-related questions you've always wanted to ask to add to it before publishing!
All kinds of questions are welcome, including (but not limited to) topics of the transition process, sex, family and relationships, identity, community, etc. and can be as general or specific as you want. Ask the questions you've always wondered about, but were too shy/embarrassed/afraid to ask! I will screen all comments so that no one will see other's questions. Also, feel free to log out of your account, then reply anonymously so even I won't know the source of the question.
( Example Questions )
I will add your questions to the list, then publish the responses on the new FAQ section of my website. All contributions are respectfully appreciated - this section wouldn't exist without you!
Thanks for your help,
Ethan
15 December 2008 @ 10:30 pm
so i never update. you hate me. but i still love you all, dearly.
middle of finals. procrastinating just enough to post these ( two jeering images... )
middle of finals. procrastinating just enough to post these ( two jeering images... )
22 November 2008 @ 02:31 pm
15 September 2008 @ 08:17 pm
03 September 2008 @ 11:21 am
[originally posted to ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif)
ftm]
I've been on T for over 5 years and have been battling acne since my first puberty. I've seen multiple dermatologists over the years, all of which have just thrown another oral or topical antibiotic at me. Needless to say, this isn't working for me, and certainly isn't a long term solution. The dermatologists I've seen recently have either a.) been completely incompetent and have diagnosed me with an extremely rare condition that was then re-diagnosed as a "natural process" later by another, more competent doctor, or b.) were very negative about Accutane in general. Thus, I'm on the search for another dermatologist.
I'd like to go to one that has previously discussed or prescribed Accutane for another transman, so that I know they are at least willing to discuss it with me. Certainly, I'll leave it up to the professionals to decide if I am a candidate for Accutane or not, but I'm tired of wasting my time seeing people that don't deal with it entirely.
Please, if you have seen a dermatologist in Massachusetts (or RI, I'll travel!) who has discussed or prescribed Accutane for you, I'm respectfully begging you to tell me their name. If you do not feel comfortable posting here on LJ, you can email me at ethan [at] ftmtransition.com .
ftm]I've been on T for over 5 years and have been battling acne since my first puberty. I've seen multiple dermatologists over the years, all of which have just thrown another oral or topical antibiotic at me. Needless to say, this isn't working for me, and certainly isn't a long term solution. The dermatologists I've seen recently have either a.) been completely incompetent and have diagnosed me with an extremely rare condition that was then re-diagnosed as a "natural process" later by another, more competent doctor, or b.) were very negative about Accutane in general. Thus, I'm on the search for another dermatologist.
I'd like to go to one that has previously discussed or prescribed Accutane for another transman, so that I know they are at least willing to discuss it with me. Certainly, I'll leave it up to the professionals to decide if I am a candidate for Accutane or not, but I'm tired of wasting my time seeing people that don't deal with it entirely.
Please, if you have seen a dermatologist in Massachusetts (or RI, I'll travel!) who has discussed or prescribed Accutane for you, I'm respectfully begging you to tell me their name. If you do not feel comfortable posting here on LJ, you can email me at ethan [at] ftmtransition.com .
24 August 2008 @ 10:04 pm
i started a new workout routine today. the gym filter is hereby reinstated. if you're on it and no longer want to be (or are not on it and want to be), just lemme know. i most likely won't be posting my full workout stats every time, because i don't have that kind of time anymore. it'll probably be more sporadic updates, such as when i reach a particular goal or benchmark.
gym routine + school starting = we'll see how long this lasts
gym routine + school starting = we'll see how long this lasts
23 August 2008 @ 10:36 pm
20 August 2008 @ 09:51 am
18 August 2008 @ 02:52 pm
we bought this for me this past saturday:
2009 Subaru Forester 2.5XT Limited
my dream car in my favorite color. i have to wait 8-10 weeks for it to come in...i can't wait!
just call me a bona fide Vermont lesbian. and i can say that because i used to be one. well, almost.
2009 Subaru Forester 2.5XT Limited
my dream car in my favorite color. i have to wait 8-10 weeks for it to come in...i can't wait!
just call me a bona fide Vermont lesbian. and i can say that because i used to be one. well, almost.
12 June 2008 @ 10:36 pm
